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Starting on the journey of becoming twenty-something. A psychology student who is interested in photography, design, and advertising. Find pleasure in art, food, music, and good books. I like to play badminton and I support Arsenal Football Club. I wish for a world where everyone is free to love.


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Wednesday, 29 October 2014


Okay first of all this post is titled Mayonaise, just like the Smashing Pumpkins song, with only a single 'n'. And the reason? Because some particular lyrics from that song quite fit my feelings right now.. yeah, those in italic.
Fool enough to almost be it  
Cool enough to not quite see it 
Pick your pockets full of sorrow 
And run away with me tomorrow 
We'll try and ease the pain 
But somehow we'll feel the same 
Well, no one knows 
Where our secrets go 
I send a heart to all my dearies 
When your life is so, so dreary 
I'm rumored to the straight and narrow 
While the harlots of my perils 
And I fail 
But when I can, I will 
Try to understand 
That when I can, I will 
Mother weep the years I'm missing 
All our time can't be given 
Shut my mouth and strike the demons 
That cursed you and your reasons 
Out of hand and out of season 
Out of love and out of feeling 
So bad 
When I can, I wil 
lWords defy the plan 
When I can, I will 
Fool enough to almost be it 
And cool enough to not quite see it 
And old enough to always feel this 
Always old, I'll always feel this 
No more promise no more sorrow 
No longer will I follow 
Can anybody hear me 
I just want to be me 
When I can, I will 
Try to understand 
That when I can, I will
Anyway, don't assume this is school related, because it is not. Just a little bit update, uni life is so far so good. Up to today, almost everyday is enjoyable and in addition to that, I feel I have learnt and gained a lot. Time management, which I had never considered before, is very essential here. Also, participating in CCAs and becoming sub-committee of organizations teach me how to discuss and tackle technical matters. Also as we are quite busy here, I find some changes in myself. First, I no longer want to waste my time. Meaning is, it's not that I avoid leisure and devote myself entirely in studying and catching up with the lectures. It is that I do play, eat, meet up with friends, do assignment, get involved in events, do voluntary work, etc etc. Only this time, I realize that I don't have all the time in the world. So, I make it a point that in everything I do, I will give my one hundred percent. Second, I learn to take opportunities. Honestly, I am a pretty passive person. I am more like the one who go with the flow rather than the one who create waves. Therefore, most of my life I seldom bother to do things that I find unnecessary. But since I am in uni, it sorts of changed. Now I think it is quite good to get involved a bit, as you never know what an opportunity can offer. New experience, of course. And maybe interesting people too haha.

Okay so about the lyrics.. actually I'm just kind of disappointed. Like when you like or admire a person, but not necessarily in romantic way, and you believe that the other person is so good, so role model material, and maybe you build some hope around that person. And then you start to notice that the person is not that good after all. It's disappointing, I have to say. A part of me enjoys having someone to look up to, the other part knows damn well that the person may not be good enough. But you already like the person quite a lot. It is that time you gotta choose, you can back up right now or you can try again, rewind all the good things that happened in the good times. Honestly I don't know what to do. I am acting unaffected and as a matter of fact, I am unaffected. It is just that I don't want to lose a 'north star' that I've found.
Anyway at this point, I start to find that the lyrics don't really relate with the situation lol. But still, it is a great song so here is the youtube link

Enjoy and bye!

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