What You Didn't Know

Hi i think this would be a post with quite a random content lol. Anyway, i have just came back to Singapore this morning after spending almost a week in my hometown for the recess week. My plan was very ambitious. Getting up early, treadmill, and catching up on lecture materials are all in my to-do list haha. But same old story i guess, none is really accomplished. Well i did read a little bit of lecture notes and some mornings i woke up early so... yeah, not too bad! *optimism in full fledge here lol*
Actually, i would love to talk about all the stuffs that has happened during this new semester. My second time joining GTD (remember that Get Together Day i mentioned in my past entry?), the one hell of experience i got joining ICN (which is a cultural production proudly presented by us, the Indonesian student community in ntu), and a lot more of both fantastic and not so remarkable happenings. Having said that tho, you know that those are NOT what i'm going to talk about right now haha. Reason is, every time i come back here from my hometown, there's a lot of things going in my head. Seeing your family once in a while reminds you that this is what you're working hard for, the people you gonna support (or even better, spoil) in the future, and that's a big motivation. But sitting down right here, sometimes i feel like i have no fucking idea what i'm actually doing. Not that i'm confused about the purpose of this and that, i have decided quite a time ago to just let life flow as it is, to ride the wave whenever there is, to take a dive if i feel like it. But take this for example, there are actually a lot of stuffs that are waiting for me to work on, yet here i am writing this post. Still, that is not a big problem because i (really, passionately) believe that inspiration and motivation come when deadline is approaching, just when we need them the most.
So.. now we get to the random part! After this, there are gonna be statements(?) and whatever thoughts that just happen to pop out in my mind right now. Some may be longer than the others but essentially they are all the same. Enjoy.

- i feel like there is a spectrum in me. On one end, i want to work hard, play hard, live the dynamic life and accumulate materials and experiences just like the majority of people. On the other, there is this part of me that would be satisfied and happy just by waking up every morning, looking up at the sky, sipping a cup of tea, living a quiet life in some kind of farm. Right now of course, it is clear that i'm going towards the first one. But really, i do not deliberately choose the path and what's even confusing is that i don't have any preference. Both is okay i think and the reason i do what i'm doing right now is because of convenience. Like, this is the default mode so yeah.

- sometimes i don't understand why i can be so disinterested towards stuffs like preference over A and B or others. Pretty vague, i know haha. Let me elaborate by example. For instance, "i think it is cool to get A for the exam, but oh how about B+? that's cool too", "okay we need to stitch this. hmm it takes too long how about just sticking it up with glue?", "right let's make a logo consisting of a sun and rainbow icon. oh i can't get this rainbow right, nevermind let's just change it into tree". See, i mostly function in if not a then b, if not b then c way of thinking. On the positive note, it makes me a very flexible person. I am adaptable, open to changes, and also generally optimistic with happy-go lucky attitude. But i admit that sometimes it comes off as too carefree and undetermined. I agree with the carefree part, however i wouldn't say that i'm undetermined anyway? As in i usually try to come up with alternatives that are as good or even better than the original option, and in other times the choice i make doesn't really affect others in the first place.

- i really want to thank whoever invented 9gag, askfm, tumblr, omegle, and the likes. Well facebook, youtube, instagram, pinterest, etc are also great i like them very much, but that's not really the point here haha. What i'm trying to say is, sometimes it feels really comforting, to know that the we are all living in this world together. Different struggles, same goals; different language, same humor; different ages, same community; different individuals, same needs. And those websites do exactly that, they provide me with that feeling i really enjoy having. You don't know how many hours in the middle of the night (or maybe morning) i spend reading through the feeds of account like Tumblr Funnies, how i scroll down and read people's answers from 2 years ago.. and more importantly, how many times i've been inspired by all those. The stuffs on those sites have given me new perspectives, ideas, idealism, nice song recommendations, and good laughs i can't be thankful enough HAHA.

- it is very very very important for me to have someone to look up to. In my own term, i call them 'north star'. It doesn't matter if this person is guy or gal, young or old, good looking or not, famous person or someone i can see on daily basis. Naturally, i'm easy to be fascinated by all kind of things, and that includes people. So occasionally, there'd be a person whom i kind of 'idolize', but not really(?). I know that is not the correct term... let's just say i put this person in high regards. And then i set them as so-called role model, they serve as a motivation as well because in general, i don't give a damn of what majority of people think. Basically "those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind" is my motto lol. So this person is like my guide of conduct, those whose opinion i care about and whom i might put effort to impress. Because of that, i have to make sure that i'm choosing the correct people right? In reality, that's not easy. Most of the time i'm left thinking 'oh turns out he/she is ordinary person after all'. BUT tell you what, the one person i'm admiring right now is actually quite good mannnn i'm happy haha. To that person out there, keep being awesome you've a got a fan here! LOL.

Anywayyyy, it's quite late and i need to wake up early tomorrow. Bye for now, i might continue this post later!